Since I had a baby six months ago, I’ve noticed that people like to tell me two things:
1.) The baby is cute and 2.) I look tired.
I have yet to come up with a good comeback to the latter … because I am too tired. But I did compile a handy list of reasons why nobody should ever, ever, ever tell a mom (or anyone, for that matter) that she looks tired.
You should never tell a mother “you look tired” because:
- HELLLLLOOOOOOOO! We know we look tired. Oh boy, do we know.
- We are fully aware that “You look tired” is code for: “Whoa, those are some dark circles/under-eye bags/red eyes/sallow skin you’ve got going on there.”
- “You look tired” is also code for: “You look like crap.”
- Oh M Geeeeeeee, we so did not need to hear that because Oh M Geeeeeeee, we don’t just look like crap, we feel like it, too. And now we feel even crappier.
- Were you hoping we’d say, “I know, but you’re looking gorgeous, yourself!” in response? As if.
- It’s not socially acceptable to say, “You look fat!” or “You look old!” or “You look [fill in the offensive word]!” So therefore, it’s not socially acceptable to tell someone they look like the walking dead.
- We know that deep down you mean well and that you’re concerned for our well-being, unless you mean to be passive aggressive, but whatever. We’re too tired to care that much, except …
- Now we know for sure that our concealer isn’t working, and that makes us a little sad.
- Actually, you look tired, too, but we are considerate enough not to comment on it.
- Maybe it’s clichéd to talk about the weather, but at least there is nothing offensive in “I think we might get rain today!”
- We’re sure you have better things to do than insult someone who’s had an average of four hours of sleep a night for the last three months.
- And if you actually don’t have anything better to do, please slowly back away from us and relocate to Nebraska.
- No interesting conversation ever follows the words “You look tired.” Example: Person: “You look tired!” You: “I know.” Person: “You must not be getting a lot of sleep.” You, in your head: “No kidding, Einstein.” You, out loud:“I’m not.” Person:“Someday, you’ll never remember any of this!” You: “I already can’t remember anything.” [Awkward pause as person realizes they have totally depressed you.]
- You’re talking to the wrong person. Really, you should be leaning over to our baby or toddler and cooing, “Sweetie pie, you need to start sleeping!” Of course, we will still know that we look tired, but at least you’re doing something constructive instead of insulting us.
- Although we are polite enough not to retort, “You look even more tired!” we are not beyond weaving a ding into the conversation like, “Hey, isn’t it about time you waxed your upper lip?” or some such subtle comment.
- Didn’t your mother tell you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?