Since becoming a mom, I’ve made a lot of new friends — moms in my neighborhood, moms at my children’s schools, moms at their events and programs, and moms I’ve met online and local Facebook groups. I’ve also attempted to be besties with the staffers at our pediatrician’s front desk so they can call me about delays, but that’s another story.
As much as I love my mix of friends, there are definitely some awkward relationships in the bunch. Perhaps you’ve experienced some of these mom friendships, too?
1. The Playdate-Forced Friend
Your kid really likes her kid. The mom isn’t your cup of Diet Coke. Still, to your house she must come for playdates or vice versa, and so you dutifully make conversation as your little ones frolic. Your only escape: bathroom breaks. Take heart, you’ve earned a special place in heaven for enduring these hangouts.
2. The Park Bench What’s-Her-Name Friend
Whenever you see this mom at the park, you strike up a conversation as your kids run around, easily picking up where you last left off. She’s funny, she’s real, she wears the coolest shoes — you have a total mom crush on her. Thing is, you don’t know her name. She told it to you when you first met, you promptly forgot it, and now you’re too embarrassed to ask. And so, each time you’re together, it’s an effort to sidestep using her name when you talk, and you feel funny about it. But given that she never calls you by name, either, you suspect the forgetfulness is mutual.
3. The All-Business Carpool Friend
This mom’s not so much of a friend as your personal Uber service. She’s your go-to whenever your child needs a ride to a birthday party, activity, or sporting event that her child is also attending. You make chitchat when you pick up each others’ kids, but you don’t know much about her other than the fact that she’s got three kids and a minivan, and that’s good enough.
4. The Slightly Strange Facebook Group Friend
You two have only ever exchanged comments in threads and messages on a local Facebook group, usually relating to practical matters like parking tickets or the best place to get cupcakes. Then she realizes you both work in the same profession and she wants to meet you IRL. Before you commit, you do a deep dive into her profile and find she’s into posting photos of iguanas and perky sayings involving unicorns (devoid of sarcasm). You cannot handle that. But how, exactly, are you supposed to respond? You’re busy … for the rest of your life? Awk-ward.
5. The Slacker Volunteer Friend
You and this mom do volunteer work together for your children’s school or some extra-curricular group your kids are involved in. Except, she’s not pulling her weight. She neglects to do tasks, she forgets to bring stuff she’s supposed to for meetings, and she messages you to ask about information you’ve already sent out … twice. Oh, how you wish you could fire her butt. Only: volunteer.
6. The Extreme Soccer Mom Friend
You are so not a soccer or lacrosse mom. She so is. The two of you hover on the sidelines of the field where your children are playing a game. She watches her kid’s every move, mutters directives, shakes her head, and pumps her fist, and you’d love to bop her on the head with a soccer ball and tell her to chill, but instead you just stand there and check your texts.
7. The TMI Store Friend
This mom works at a local store — maybe the dry cleaner’s, the coffee shop, or the secondhand clothing store. You chat about your kids when you’re there. During a recent encounter, she opened up about her child’s lack of response to ADHD meds or his biting problem. And now, when you drop by to grab your dry cleaning or a latte — even if you have your child with you — she wants to discuss her kid’s issues. You don’t want to go there, especially within your kid’s earshot, so you jerk your head toward your child and raise your eyebrows and hope she gets the hint. But she just keeps talking.